The following verses are ones I have received from my dad who passed over in 1985. He used to write verses when he was here and as you can see he still enjoys writing them, so thanks dad
IT’S A POEM FROM YER DADDY
It’s a poem from yer daddy
He’s a master at this art,
As once again his genius,
To you he will impart.
I really was a handsome lad
Wullie was ma name,
But it was ma skill at poetry,
That gave to me ma fame.
I wrote some on a desk at school,
The words they were so grand,
But the teacher didnae think the same
And she took me by the hand.
She took me to the heidie,
A bruiser o’ a man.
He took his belt oot o’ a drawer.
I quickly turned and ran.
My luck was really oot that day,
I stumbled, then I fell,
He drew his belt doon on ma hand,
You should have heard me yell.
It swelled up to the size of two,
Twas red as any fire.
The boys all queued up round about,
So my hand they could admire.
When I then got home from school,
My mum asked what I’d done,
But I didn’t expect the words she said,
“I’m ashamed of you my son.
Aff to bed you now can go,
Nae supper will ye get
And when yer dad gets hame fae work,
He’ll no be pleased I bet.”
Sure enough on the stroke of seven,
My dad come through the door,
He gave me such an awful swipe,
He knocked me on the floor.
When ma brothers heard ma tale,
They laughed out loud in glee,
The only thing they had to say,
Wis. “Am glad it wisnae me.”
Now that’s the end of ma sorry tale,
My single claim to fame
And if you do not want my fate.
Don’t ever sign your name.
TRIP TO THE PICTURES.
I went to the pictures
And this is what I saw,
Loads and loads o’ people,
Champin wi their jaws.
Muckle bags o’ sweeties,
Clutched in every hand,
A wisnae feelin jealous,
Ye have to understand.
O’ their bulgin bags o’ popcorn,
Or their cans o’ fizzy water,
Both ma hands were empty,
But that really didnae matter.
Until the usherette cam roond
Wi a her lovely wares
Ma girl cam back, wi a lovely cone,
A said.” Come on fair shares.”
“A lick to you and a lick to me.”
Seemed such a clever thought.
But ma luck wis really oot that night
And a lesson I was taught.
“If ye want a lick, go buy yer ain,
Ye’r getting nane o’ mine.”
A got the message right enough
She laid it on the line.
She licked and licked, wi flappin tongue,
Till nothing there wis left.
I simply sat beside her,
Feeling quite bereft.
But what she didnae realise
Ma money wisnae done
And on the homeward journey,
It’ll be fish and chips for one.
It was a bright and sunny day
,A’ thought that I’d go oot tae play,
I went for a wander doon the street,
Hopin my two pals I’d meet.
There’s Tam and Geordie wi their ba’
Kickin it against a wa’
I quickly joined them in their game,
Thinkin this is awful tame.
Suddenly I took a run,
I’ll make this game a bit more fun,
Using all the skills I knew,
I kicked the ball and off it flew.
Ower the wall and out of sight,
Geordie said “that wis just spite,
Ye better go and find ma ba’
Before I punch ye on the jaw.”
I quickly clambered ower that wa’
But I couldnae see the ba at a’
Then I looked up in a tree.
There was the ball in front of me.
I shook the tree, poked up a stick,
I even threw a muckle brick,
But I wis simply out of luck.
The ba’ wia well and truly stuck.
The only way to get it free,
Wis to climb into the tree.
I climbed the tree, just like a chimp,
I’ll show to them I am no wimp.
But then a branch, it tore ma breeks,
An I wis showin ma bare cheeks,
I found that I wis stuck right fast.
I knew ma luck just couldnae last.
I shouted oot tae Geordie and Tam.
“Get some help as quick as ye can,
Go doon the road and get ma dad,
Even though he will be mad.
Up came ma dad, he brought his ladder
I’d never seen him any madder.
“What a stupid thing to do,
Why does it always happen to you.”
He put his ladder against the tree,
At last I thought, I’ll soon be free,
But that ladder didnae stretch,
I still wis two foot out o’ reach.
“I’ll need to phone the fire brigade,
As they may come, to your aid,
Yer mum and me wont live this doon,
The story ‘ll soon be roond the toon.”
The firemen brought me to the ground,
I stood there shakin, not a sound.
“What dae ye say tae these kind men,
For getting you back doon again?”
I said “do you think ye could get ma ba’
Or I winnae hae nae friends at a?”
“Hae nae friends, ye wee tyke,”
Dad said to me as he gave a swipe.
“Where’s the manners ye were taught,
Noo mair shame to us ye’ve brought,
After a’ yer silly pranks,
I thought at least ye wid say thanks.”
I said ma thanks and home we went,
There to my room, I wis sent.
“Tak aff yer breeks, look at that tear,
I’ll have to do a quick repair.”
Ma mum looked through her mending box,
Materials and bits o’ socks,
At last she found a blue to match
And quickly she sewed on a patch.
But there were flowers on that square.
She said to me “I dinnae care,
That to me is no concern,
Its time that you began to learn.”
So now I have to go to school,
Lookin like a silly fool.
I’m the only one who has a patch,
That wi their trousers disnae match.
THE PLUM TREE
Ma next door neighbour had a tree,
Wi the bonniest plums you’ll ever see.
One day as I walked doon the street,
One o’ them landed at ma feet.
I picked it up and took a bite,
It quickly disappeared from sight.
That plum it wis so rare and sweet,
I’d like another wan to eat.
I stood on his wall and raised ma arm,
I didnae think I wis doin harm,
There were dozens o’ plums upon that tree,
He could surely spare me two or three.
But ma neighbour suddenly opened his door,
Then let oot an almighty roar.
“Ye thieving tyke,I know yer name,
I’ll just tak ye tae yer hame.”
I took aff like a thing possessed,
That I wis feart ye’ve maybe guessed.
Ma feet fair rattled doon the street,
I hope nae polis will I meet.
But ma neighbour he ran fast an a’,
I hoped that he wid maybe fa’,
For every minute, he wis makin ground
And wis getting nearer when I looked around.
Then all at once I got a fright,
As I felt ma collar pullin tight.
Ma neighbour had it in his hand,
It felt just like a metal band.
His face it wis a sight tae see,
As he stood scowling down on me.
Each eye stood out, like on a stalk,
He wis sae mad, he couldnae talk.
He quickly hauled me aff ma feet
And then he dragged me up the street.
I knew that I’d soon reach ma fate,
When just ahead I saw ma gate.
A’ winnae tell ye what wis said,
Before once more a’ wis sent tae bed.
But if ye ever steal forbidden fruit,
Make sure its not from that nasty brute.
© . M. Rattray
THE TURNING TIDE.
One day I went down to the beach,
The water was well out of reach.
A distance away, I saw some land.
I think I can reach it across the sand.
So I started to walk out to the sea,
What an adventure, this will be.
Just wait until I tell ma maw,
Of all the wonders that I saw.
I carried on without a care,
Of any danger, was unaware,
That land it wisnae getting nearer.
A didnae see its shape nae clearer.
But suddenly then I became aware,
That the sand it wisnae there nae mair.
The water lappit round ma legs,
It gave to me an awful fleg.
A turned around and tried to run,
Ma ordeal it had just begun,
For all around there just was sea.
That water it had trickit me.
A rock I saw just to my right,
It really was a welcome sight.
I scrambled on and skinned ma knee,
This wisnae how it was meant to be.
I sat for hours upon that rock.
Watchin the time, on a distant clock.
I wonder how long I’ll have to stay.
I hope that I get hame the day.
My stomach ached through lack of food
A really wisnae feelin good.
I wish this morning ma breakfast I ate
If I had it now, I’d clean ma plate.
I saw a man, walkin on the sand.
I stood up tall and waved ma hand.
I hope he’ll see and know a’m stuck.
That really would be a piece of luck.
Stay there he shouted in a very loud voice.
As if a wis there through freedom of choice.
“I’ll just get a boat and row out to you,
I’ll be over there in a minute or two.”
He pulled on the oars, with the greatest of ease.
When I saw that boat, I wis real pleased.
Now very soon I’ll be back on dry land.
I’ll be glad when ma feet are back on the sand.
This dangerous tale, I kept to myself.
I knew it would nae go doon well.
I just told ma maw I had got lost.
As I knew what the truth would be tae ma cost.
THE CHINA CAT
It wis a present tae yer maw,
The ugliest thing ye ever saw
Who ever bought a thing like that,
A great, big, silly, china cat.
Its head wis big ,its body wee,
Noo that’s not right ye will agree,
The legs were bandy, short and fat,
On that great, big, silly, china cat.
The tail it curled round and round,
The end of it I never found,
It just lay there nice and flat,
On that great, big, silly china cat.
A problem with the eyes I saw,
An it also had a funny jaw,
It sure wis nae aristocrat,
That great, big, silly, china cat.
It had a grin, from side to side,
On a gapin mouth, held open wide,
A wondered what it wis laughin at,
That great, big, silly, china cat.
Tommy Cooper I will be,
Do some tricks, just like he.
So I dropped the cat. “Just like that.”
And that wis the end of the china cat,
A WEE WHITE MOOSE.
One day ma pal gave me a moose.
I sneaked it in the hoose.
I had it in a cardboard box.
It widnae need nae locks.
A moose ye see, is awful wee,
It widnae manage to get free.
I hid it carefully in ma chest,
The less ma mither knew the best.
She had a thing ye see for mice.
Her words indeed were quite precise.
Filthy vermin, they carry germs,
Were just a couple o‘ her terms.
But that wee moose wis very bright,
A soon found oot that very night.
It ate its way, right through ma box,
It nibbled an chewed ma pants and socks.
It climbed right up and oot the drawer,
It must have wanted to explore.
It ran across ma bedroom floor
And very quickly oot the door.
It must have gone right doon the stairs
But I wis sleepin unawares.
The first I knew, I heard a scream
It wis too real to be a dream.
I ran doon and through the hall,
No feelin very brave at all.
My maw wis standin on a chair
Starin at the kitchen flair.
“A saw a moose, a filthy beast
In ma pantry havin a feast.
It wis pure white, it wisnae wild
A’m sure a have to blame you child.
Just tell to me where it come from
Did you bring it intae ma home?
Noo dinnae tell me any lee’s,
That thing will be fu o’ disease.
All hae to throw oot a ma food,
A know it will nae be nae good.
A have nae money for any mair.
But you can starve for all I care.
I cannae believe ye’d be sae silly,
We named ye well when we cried ye Billy.
You’ll regret the day ye got that moose,
And brought it home into ma hoose.”
THERE WAS A MAN WHO WAS NEVER ON TIME
There was a man who was never on time
And he ran right up to the Golden Gate
St Peter looked and shook his head
You can’t come in your far too late.
You’ll have to go and join the queue
And try again tomorrow
And if you do not have a watch
I suggest that one you borrow.
The man he went and borrowed a watch
And placed it on his arm
I’ll maybe go for a wee bit walk
That can’t do any harm.
So off he went on a lengthy stroll
And the time passed very quick,
I’ll catch St Peter out next time
I’ll show to him I am not thick.
But when the man was on his walk,
Off his arm the watch had dropped
And when he reached the gates once more
To his dismay the watch had stopped.
But St Peter took pity on the man
This could go on for ever.
So all that I will say this time,
Your better late than never.
© M. Rattray.
THERE’S CATS, CATS NOTHING BUT CATS
There’s cats, cats nothing but cats
They lie on the chairs, the beds and the flair,
There’s a lovely garden just oot the back
If it wis up tae me I’d put them oot there.
But not oor Elizabeth who pampers and pets
Treating them all like they stayed at the Ritz.
Crunchies for this one, fish for another,
If it wis up tae me, they’de be scrapin for bits.
Look at them scratchin, is it the fleas,
So oot wi the combs to draw through their hair.
First the back, then the front, don’t forget the legs,
If it wis up tae me I’d shave them all bare.
They clatter oot doors and rattle back in,
They scratch the chairs and scrape at the floors,
One even leaves dirty feet in the loo,
If it wis up tae me I’d show them the door.
But they’re lucky cats, you must agree,
Plenty of love and running free.
I hope they know how lucky they are,
As they easily could have been owned by me.
I stood there at the bus stop
The rain was pouring down
I really would have stayed at home
But I had to go into town.
At last the bus came into view
But it went flying past
The folk were queueing to the door
So I simply muttered blast.
I waited for another hour
Ma shoes were soakin through
Ma umberella wis nae help
And ma nose wis turnin blue.
Ah thought tae masel, a'll just go hame
When I saw another bus
It pulled tae a stop an a got onboard
A'd better no make a fuss
It stopped at every single stop
Until that bus wis fu
You'll never know how glad I was
When the town came into view,
A got aff the bus, and quickly ran
As the shop wis a good bit away,
But ye'll never guess what it said on the shop
We're closed its oor half day.
I'm sitting in ma apple tree
I'm sitting in my apple tree
Just looking at the view
While ma thoughts go round and round
Thinking what to do.
I'll have another apple
It won't do any harm,
The sun is shining brightly
An am feelin nice and warm.
One apple quickly turned to two
They really are quite tasty,
Then I saw a really big one
And moved a bit too hasty.
The branch a was on, wisnae strong
An a felt it break in two.
An a knew one thing for certain
There was nothing a could do.
A quickly fell doon tae the ground,
An landed wi a bump.
Ma pals all stood around and laughed
An a felt a stupid lump.
Nae mair climbin trees for me
Something else a have tae master.
As the outcome o' ma apple tree
Is a have both arms in plaster.